12 Nov

A crush is an intense, consuming infatuation with another person, usually for romantic reasons. We are all very familiar with this term.

A crush is nothing more or less than selfish desire coupled with idolatry. On one hand the admirer covets that which they do not have and on the other they place undue admiration and admonishment on the target of the crush.

The Book of James outlines the stages of sin’s development. I will outline the development of the crush according to these stages.

Desire Conceives
Crushes are born when one person (admirer) sees within another person (subject) a physical, mental, or spiritual characteristic that they greatly admire or desire. There can be more than one of these desirable characteristics, but it only requires one to set off a crush.
In and of itself, this fleeting notice of a desirable characteristic is harmless. However, if the admirer dwells on and ruminates about it, they will begin to feed that desire and admiration, and it quickly becomes what we call a crush.

Desire Gives Birth to Sin
Once a crush has started, the admiration quickly (sometimes in just days) begins to swell beyond reality. The admirer begins to apply positive qualities to the subject that they do not even possess. Eventually the admirer has a desire and admiration for someone that does not really exist, someone larger-than-life, who only vaguely resembles the real-life counterpart.
As the crush continues to take hold of the admirer, more and more of their thoughts are directed towards the subject to the point where they can think of little else. The admirer begins to dream, fantasize and conspire about the subject. This develops into a lustful desire to see, touch, smell, and possess the subject. The subject by this time has been blown so far out of proportion that the admirer believes them to be near-perfect…even godlike. At this stage, the admirer has reached certain idolatry, and has elevated the subject of the crush above God Himself, even if they are not consciously aware of doing so.

Sin Gives Birth to Death
When a crush is allowed to fully mature, the result is disaster.
The admirer becomes totally obsessed and highly possessive of the subject. If the subject becomes involved with someone else, it will produce hatred and jealousy in the admirer. This burning hatred usually leads to the admirer attempting to ruin or sabotage the relationship, which hurts many people. In extreme cases, it can lead to violence and murder. Of course, true hatred is murder of the heart. In any case, these evil emotions twist and and destroy the admirer from within, making the admirer a spiteful and bitter person, irreversibly in some cases.
If the admirer loses hope in possessing the subject, it can lead to depression and suicide.
If the admirer actually does succeed in possessing the subject, the situation only gets worse. The relationship will be short lived and likely filled with sin, because of the nature of its conception. Later, when the admirer realizes the subject is not who they thought they were, or the subject becomes aware of the unhealthy relationship, either could result to drastic measures. This can include anything from a bitter break-up, lies, cheating, or even in some cases things like murder or suicide.
If the two are married based on this infatuation, the crushing blow of reality is even harder to accept. Divorce is almost certain, and extreme measures such as affairs, murder and suicide are even more likely.
There is always hope, even in these cases, for God to salvage the lives of those involved, but that requires them to submit to God and face the consequences of their actions, which are often dire.

A holy marriage is one created by God’s divine appointment, not one created by a selfish desire or idolatrous admiration. The line between a Godly relationship and a selfish, man-made one is thin indeed. The Adversary knows this and conspires to lead Christians across the line and into sin and destruction. Most people cross the line due to a lack of patience and trust in God. Trust in the Lord’s timing; If He wants someone to be married then they will be, if they are obedient. We should not go hunting for a spouse. We should not mistake our own selfish desire as God’s will. If a selfish desire conspiring to become a crush arises within us, I encourage everyone to rebuke and deny those desires. Pray about these things, and the Lord will give you insight into all this.

I do not want you to be deceived, I speak from experience. I have had my share of crushes in my lifetime, and all led to disaster. Not one led to anything good or profitable, and at least one might have taken my life were it not for a friend. Praise God, for He did not let me be destroyed by these things. I will not mistreat His mercy, but I will tell others. I too must continue to deny my own selfish desires otherwise I will be dragged down once again into this dangerous idolatry.

There is only One worthy of admiration and only One worthy of praise and honor, and He is Jesus who is Christ and Lord, the Savior of mankind forever and ever.


Posted by on November 12, 2007 in Sanctification


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2 responses to “Crushed

  1. Barry

    November 14, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    What do you covet? You covet that which you see every day. When a crush appears you must separate yourself from the exposure. By the time the desire has turned to sin it is to late.What I tell the kids is that testosterone makes you stupid. If you are in a situation that may overwhelm you, get out. Distance can do amazing things for your vision.

  2. Heather

    November 16, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    I am in total agreement with what you’ve said. Also, I’d like to add this: we often forget that when you have a crush you begin to little by little give your heart to someone that isn’t even real in a sense. Well, that heart is first intended to be given to God, but if He has given you a desire to be married it is also intended for your mate. Do you think your future husband/wife minds how much you’ve given your heart to others? I know I mind. I will admit that this is a strong struggle for me. I disagree that you must always remove yourself. If lust is involved, then yes you need to “flee”; but, if it’s not a lust issue, it’s often an issue thinking of another person in an unrealistic and often imaginary way. I’ve found that often spending time with that person WITH FRIENDS is helpful in bringing you back to reality as you discover the nature of who they are. You may think you’re totally compatible with someone when once you get to know them you realize that you’re just friends. Prayer is vital! Have you ever thought about what our role is concerning those we know who are interested in others or have crushes? How many times have you elbowed someone and giggled when you thought they might like someone? I’ve caught myself many times wanting to kid someone about a “crush” they have. We shouldn’t feed a crush. Instead, we should encourage the person with the crush in the right direction by sharing with them the reality of what a crush really is and that they really need to be praying about this situation and seeking God’s will not their own.


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